Daggggggg–two posts in one day.
Anyway-
Lately, I have had a lot of decisions to make. Big ones, too. Not easy everyday decisions. Even THOSE get me all twisted up in my own thoughts and wants and needs.
For instance, recently, Shaun and I were planning a date night for ourselves. I was sick of the slimy fatty fried-ness of UC caf food, and Shaun was sick of cooking, so eating out was an obvious choice of activity for the evening.
“So…where should we eat?” Shaun asked.
“Nope, not deciding,” I refused.
“Well, I don’t really care where we eat,” Shaun said. “So, it’s up to you.”
“Okay, but as I recall, I made the last decision, so now it’s your turn.”
“No, no, no,” Shaun answered, laughing. “I’ve made like the last fifty decisions.”
“So make another one!” I suggested. “You KNOW I hate this!”
If you’ve ever had to make a decision involving me, or asked me to make one, you probably know how completely incompetent I am at dealing with choices. I don’t know why this is. I mean, I’m not the sort of person to let others walk all over me, nor am I satisfied with sitting silent with my own opinions. I like to have a say, I like to matter.
Maybe it’s because I’m a perfectionist. In school, in writing, in relationships, and, I suppose, even with decisions, I struggle to accept less than perfection. It makes me feel like I’m settling. The knowledge that there’s a possibility that there could be something out there that’s better-suited for me drives me crazy!
I just wish I could make a decision and rest in the faith of it.
Why don’t I trust my own judgment?
Any big decision I’ve ever made (i.e., where to go to college, what to major in, where to live), and even some small ones, cause my thoughts to start stewing in every obtainable outcome, good or bad. Even deciding what to wear on a daily basis becomes a multi-minute ordeal with me standing in front of my closet, mentally combining colors and cuts with possible accessories, never forgetting to take into consideration the weather, seasonal palette of hues, how my outfit will be perceived, and whether I should wear my hair curly or straight, up or down…
Yes, I know.
Insane, hmm?
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I know this isn’t the main point of this post, but thought I’d share something anyways. When it comes to dates, I’ve found compromises help Lori & me because we’re both indecisive. If nothing stands out to one of us, I give her 2/3 options, and she chooses one of those. It causes me to list a few options, and then she has to choose one of them but knows I’m okay with any choice.
That aside, it’s great to hear how much you’ve been learning & growing in Chicago. All fears aside, you won’t lose what you’ve gained. In fact, I’m pretty certain that you’re going to help open your friends’ minds to what you’ve gained.
I realize that this won’t make you more excited to be home, but just invest in every minute of your time left in Chicago with no guilt or fear.
Comment by Zim May 12, 2008 @ 8:49 amI hate making decisions…totally relate.
Comment by Angela July 2, 2008 @ 7:13 am